An Error of Comedies
by Risknight
Summary: Penny asks the guys a question that leads to some outlandish ideas.


**Penny and the guys ask "what if" and the answers they come with aren't exactly comforting.**

* * *

"What if this is all an illusion?"

Sheldon looked up from his laptop with a frown. "What do you mean?"

Penny grabbed a can of Pepsi from the fridge and walked over to perch on the edge of his desk. "How do we know this is all real? Maybe all of this, our lives, is just someone else's imagination. Maybe we're characters in a TV show."

"Well, I'm not laughing, so this must be a horror," Leonard grumbled from the couch where he was trying to adjust the pillows under his bandaged knee.

Penny rolled her eyes and looked at Sheldon. "What do you think?"

He sighed and closed his laptop. He knew from experience that whenever Penny started these strange conversations they could end up talking for ten minutes or ten hours. "If this was a TV show certain clues would be noticeable."

"Such as?" Raj asked.

"Such as," Sheldon elaborated, "if this was a horror or supernatural show, there would be a large number of dead bodies and blood. Other than Penny's Bat'leth and neon green light saber, there are no weapons in this apartment. Also I haven't seen a dead body since my Meemaw's neighbor had a heart attack while watering his roses. I was 8 at the time."

"Maybe it's a drama, or a soap opera," Howard said, reaching for another handful of peanuts.

"If this were a drama, there would _be _drama," Sheldon pointed out. "Scandals, unwanted pregnancies, addictions, or love triangles. Once again we are devoid of those things."

"I don't know," Penny laughed. "Raj's love life is a bit of a scandal."

This time it was Sheldon rolling his eyes while Raj blew Penny a saucy kiss. "Nevertheless, there would be a lot of brooding, shouting, crying and all of us would be mostly nude at one time of another."

"Fine," Penny conceded. "But you have to admit I _do _do a lot of shouting. At night. In bed."

Raj and Leonard snickered, Howard leaned over to high five Penny and Sheldon grinned before clearing his throat. "No minors or sudden outbreaks of singing, so we can rule out children's shows and musicals. No animals or soldiers fighting battles, so documentaries are out as well."

"How about a comedy?" Raj asked.

"Unlikely," Sheldon said, standing up to walk into the kitchen for a cup of coffee. "If this were a comedy we would all be cliched characters."

"How so?" asked Leonard with a grimace. Penny stood and retrieved the bottle of pain pills from the counter. Leonard smiled his thanks as he took two.

"Well," Sheldon said, deep in thought, "instead of being a successful writer and devoted husband to his high school sweetheart, Howard could be a creepy single guy who still lives with his mom."

Penny giggled and returned to her seat on the desk. "What about Raj?"

Sheldon frowned, deep in thought. "Instead of an award winning actor and playwright, he would be the shy, sensitive one."

Penny giggled louder and winked at Raj. "Make it so that he's so shy, he can't talk to women!"

The other two laughed as Raj threw a wadded up paper towel at her. His reputation of being a ladies man was well earned. He had told them all many times he had no intention of ever settling down.

What about you, Shel?" asked Leonard.

Sheldon resumed sitting in his computer chair and shrugged. "I'm thinking maybe the self-centered one. The guy who is more focused on himself than the people around him."

"With lots on condescension and arrogance, instead of your usual hippy-dippy, go-with-the-flow attitude?" Howard laughed. "No way, dude. You're the least selfish person I know."

"Do Penny next," Raj suggested with a leer.

Penny choked on her soda and Sheldon turned a light pink.

"She'd be the girl next door," Leonard suggested. "The one all the guys fall in love with. Instead of being sought after for her skills with robotics and engineering, she's be chased for her boobs and long legs."

Penny groaned. "Ughh! So predictable!"

"As for Leonard," Sheldon finished with a grin, "instead of a gay tri-athlete with two Olympic gold medals, he'd be a whiny nerd with thick glasses and an inability to drink milk."

Leonard groaned and set down the mostly empty milk glass he had been holding. "Geez! I said I'd replace the milk carton!"

Penny looked at Sheldon. "Are you sure this isn't a horror?"

"Lord that sounds horrible!" Howard said, checking his watch. "Real life is much more satisfying. Well, it's been fun, but I gotta go, guys. I promised Leslie I'd pick up the boys from choir practice."

Raj stood ass well. "I, myself, have a date with a delectable little costume designer. I think her name's Amy," he mused to himself. "Or maybe it was Missy. Don't wait up, kids."

Leonard grabbed his crutches and eased up off the couch with Penny's help. "I think I'll go, too. Therapy wore me out."

"Any idea how long you'll be out of commission?" Sheldon asked, moving to open the door.

"A few more weeks. I'm hoping to be back into training in time for the spring marathon," Leonard answered.

Penny kissed his cheek fondly. "Tell Zack hi for us."

"Will do," Leonard grinned.

Penny shut the door, leaned against it, and smiled lustily at Sheldon. "So, in this TV show, are we together?"

Sheldon placed his hands on either side of her body and leaned down to nuzzle her neck. "Doubtful."

She reached around him to draw his hips against hers. "Why not?" she asked breathlessly as she ground against him.

Sheldon suddenly picked her up and carried her toward the bedroom. "Because you and I aren't a joke," he growled. The reached the bed and the time for talking was over. Too bad it wasn't a TV show. The performance that followed was worthy of a standing ovation.


End file.
